Blanking on Leigh
THE world’s gone mad. Boris Johnson has been representing us in Australia this week.
Bojo joked that a traditional Maori head rub he did might be “misinterpreted in a Glasgow pub”. Boris has now been invited to any boozer in Glasgow to test out his theory.
Boris was part of a troupe known as The Three Brexiteers, going round the world messing up trade deals. As a Musketeers rip off, they really want to get together with Donald Trump. As he’s the Dark-tan-yin.
Aye big Donald’s been at it again. He says he has the power to pardon himself. Best thing to do after a Trump really.
There’s a lot of folk saying he might be impeached. Might go a long way to explaining his skin colour. In fairness, the president is trying to distance himself from having close links with the Russians. A message that was reinforced by Trump’s new press secretary Ivan Vladimir Putingradsky.
As for the Brexit boys, Liam Fox brought back some positive words from the Mexicans, David Davis returned with assurances from the EU. While Boris came back from Australia with a can of Fosters and a cuddly kangaroo.
The three stooges then got pelters for promoting the UK – yet driving about in a Spanish car. Suspicions were raised when the car got too hot and took a siesta for two hours in the afternoon.
It’s a mental day when the guy making most sense on this is the boss of Ryanair. Michael O’Leary says Brexit will mean no cheap flights to Europe any more. Though knowing Ryanair, they’ll just land an hour away from Europe and make you get a shuttle bus the rest of the way.
O’Leary has some story though. In 1988 he was offered a seat on the board. Obviously it was a middle seat as you’d have to pay extra for the window or aisle.
Since then, the EU have brought several cases against Ryanair. And were HONEY G has come out as gay. Remember her, she’s that loon fae The X Factor. Good on her. Someone with Honey’s personality and vocal ability shouldn’t have to remain in the closet. Unless it’s soundproofed. promptly charged £20 extra for each one as they hadn’t registered them online.
My favourite bit of chat from all this? Liam Fox finally meeting his Mexican counterpart. Who I believe is called Liam Chihuahua. See, I told you the world had gone mad. ●A controversial sonic device which violates EU torture laws has been used to sort out teenage gangs at a Scottish train station. Despite the controversy, the bagpiper outside Edinburgh Waverley insists he’s going nowhere. ●Five giant wind turbines are being towed to Scotland, creating the first floating wind farm at the Aberdeenshire location of Buchan Deep. And coincidentally, Buchan Deep is also a measure of how far into the sea those wind turbines are likely to sit. SPERM counts in Western countries are apparently on the flop. As such fertility doctors are looking to stockpile the world’s most potent sperm. Now all they need is Leigh Griffiths to agree to it. ●Commanders from British armed forces have opposed any ban on transgender people serving in the military. So the UK is cool with transgender ops.
Obviously. If you’re in the British Army you’re already well used to major cuts.