Summer madness drives us to drink

SUMMER is sending us all mad. For starters, Scots spend the least amount of money entertaining the kids during the holidays.

Come on, it’s summer in Scotland we’re talking about. How much can you really spend in two days?

No wonder everyone’s boozing. An app that pinpoints your nearest Buckfast supplier has topped the iTunes chart. It’s genius. As it also pinpoints the nearest bit of your local park where you can down the drink, smash the bottle then spew up over your shoes. Talking of apps, technology that lets humans talk to their pets is only a mere 10 years away, according to Amazon. Amazon, by the way, is a 12ft snake fae Brazil.

Dogs are said to be particularly worried by this news. They’ve got a lot to hide and to them 10 years is only a matter of weeks.

A couple more wee nuggets of madness. What about the daft thief who thought he had the perfect way to avoid capture during a burglary. By disguising himself as a ghost.

The crook was caught on camera wrapped in a white sheet. And he would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t have been for those pesky kids with the talking dog.

And finally, MPs are considering a pop-up greenhouse to be built during the restoration of parliament.

Fragile, full of hot air and full of dung – MPs are due to vote on the idea next week. ●A US firm is the first to offer its workers the opportunity to get a microchip embedded into their hand. The scheme immediately failed in Scotland though – as we kept trying to cover the chips in curry sauce.