Dear Coleen

HE HATES THAT I EARN THE MOST

I’VE been with my boyfriend for four years and we live together. Recently, it seems to have become a real issue for him that I have a better paying job than he does. I’m a solicitor and he works in retail.

I’ve never put any pressure on him to retrain or try to get a better job – he’s the one who brings it up or makes barbed comments.

He sulks if I buy something he can’t afford or if I suggest booking a weekend away, which I’m happy to pay for. He says he doesn’t want to “live above his means” and accuses me of putting pressure on him to do things he can’t afford.

I don’t want to be miserable just because his pride won’t allow him to do certain things. Help! have an honest conversation about how you each feel, which isn’t easy as money is a thorny issue and he will probably feel awkward confronting it properly.

But if you want a future together, you need to start operating more as a team.

If he keeps throwing it in your face, the relationship won’t last. Plus, circumstances change and there will probably be a point in your lives when he’s the main breadwinner – if you have kids and take a career break, for example.

It’s good that he’s not taking advantage of the fact that you earn more but there has to be a balance.

He’s going to have to learn to swallow his pride sometimes and you might occasionally have to make do with a takeaway pizza instead of a trip to Rome.