YOUR NUMBER’S UP

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AMANDA posted a video of herself holding a box with a No1 on it and sang, “On the first day of Christmas, Amanda said to me, ‘D’you fancy a cup of tea, or a gin?’” See what she did there? If so, please explain it to the rest of us. AMANDA suggested there was “no need to buy an expensive hat for Ascot this year, just re-use your Christmas wreath instead”. Then she put a wreath on her head. Did she lose a bet? Is she on crystal meth? Excruciating. AMANDA talks about slaving away on her festive menu, but then – ho, ho, ho – the joke is that really she’s ordering it all from M&S. “Joke” in the very loosest sense of the word, obviously. ON THIS video, there is no sound. Unclear whether this is intentional or a technical issue but let’s not worry about why, let’s just appreciate it. SAME outfit, same set-up but a box with a – can you guess? – 2 on it. “Handy Mandy” pulled out an ironing board and suggested if you were short of space, you could use yours as a work surface. Baffling. SITTING in her dressing room, Amanda explains she’ll be giving one of her daughters hair crimpers for Christmas, and then kisses them. “Obviously don’t kiss your hair straighteners when they are on, because they’ll be hot,” she said. NOW Amanda is pretending to be her dog, Rudie, singing, “On the sixth day of Christmas.” She then promotes a shop she’s not being paid to promote. Is she having a nervous breakdown, or is it us? THE sound is back and she’s singing again... this time about baubles for the tree filled with gin. Hers actually still appear to be full. It gets curiouser and curiouser.