Dumbander-in-chief needs a carpeting over Irn-Bru ban

SO TRUMP Turnberry have banned Irn-Bru. Anybody else think Donald Trump just misread the label and thinks it’s called “Iran-Bru”.

As the advert says, Mr Trump: Be a can, don’t be a can’t.

The official reason is they think it might stain the carpets because it’s orange, sticky and dangerous.

Come on, that’s no way to talk about the president.

Maybe big Donald should hook up with Jamie Oliver. The chef has proposed a series of adverts for healthy food aimed at children. He wants to create an ad that makes broccoli look attractive.

Quick tip, pal. Try filming it on a plate sat next to a pie.

Jamie might have a point, though. Fizzy drinks sold at the pictures have been found to contain food poisoning bugs including salmonella.

So if you see a whole cinema full of people vomiting, it might be down to that. Or they’re watching the latest Owen Wilson rom-com.

Back to Trump, and the Middle East has been plunged into uncertainty following his decision to pull America out of the Iran nuclear deal. On the plus side, he can at least tell that country apart from Iraq now.

On the upside, North Korea has freed three US citizens from prison, according to a tweet from Trump.

So they can now leave the fearful place run by a crazed, warmongering tyrant with mad hair and return to America… for more of the same, really.

There is some progress there to be fair. North Korea has changed its time zone to match the South after last week’s inter-Korean summit.

Basically, it’s moved its clocks forward by about 80 years.

Trump has also been speaking out against political correctness. Well, he won’t be happy about the study which has branded the Mr Men books as sexist, because the female characters featured are more passive, have less direct speech and rely on being saved more than male ones.

On the plus side, the female characters have managed to get Mr Tickle banned from any more books for being a bit handsy.

But I’m sure big Donald could help his PR here a wee bit by getting the Bru back into Turnberry. Otherwise guests will start smuggling counterfeit ginger into the hotel. Nobody wants that.

Come on, you know how upset Donald gets about Fake Brus. That’ll leave the big man fizzing.