Dear Coleen

WORRIED ABOUT BEREAVED FRIEND

I HAVE a group of friends I’ve known since my uni days and we’re all in our early 30s now.

Sadly, one of the girls in our group lost her partner around Easter time and she’s obviously still grieving.

I know she’s dreading Christmas, as it’ll be her first without her partner, and we are all feeling devastated for her.

She doesn’t have any children, although her parents and siblings have been supportive and wonderful to her.

I worry because she often comes up with excuses not to meet up or come out for the night but I know most times she’s just at home on her own. She has definitely withdrawn.

How can we help her at this really tough time? I know your instinct is to want to be with her all the time and try to comfort her, but perhaps she needs to retreat sometimes and be on her own.

We all grieve differently and while some people want friends around them all the time and appreciate the distraction, others need more time alone to reflect.

The most important thing you can do is to let her know you’re always there to talk – in person, on the phone or via email – so she knows she has that option. And keep suggesting stuff – she’ll take you up on the things she wants to do.

Maybe she’d appreciate doing something fun with her girlfriends over the holidays that doesn’t involve dwelling on the fact it’s Christmas or sitting round a turkey dinner.