Dear Coleen

NEARLY a year ago, my daughter’s husband walked out, leaving her to cope with a three-year-old and sixmonth-old twins. She was devastated and heartbroken, and her three-year-old was very confused and upset.

We rallied round and managed, and she went back to work full time.

My son-in-law has never given my daughter an adequate explanation and she feels unable to move on due to this.

He has refused both marriage counselling and mediation.

My daughter thinks he has mental health issues as this is not the first time he’s left her in the lurch. She says he doesn’t cope well under pressure (or with responsibility, it seems).

When the problems first started he did go to a counsellor but apparently during a session something cropped up and he refused to go back.

To make matters worse, he drinks a lot, uses cocaine and is getting into debt. My daughter goes out when she doesn’t have the children and gets as drunk as possible and stays out late.

My daughter has served her husband with divorce papers but he hasn’t signed them and says he doesn’t want a divorce and misses his family.

I feel like banging their heads together and telling them to grow up. They’re both selfish and lack maturity.

I should point out my son-in-law does pay child maintenance and has the kids every other weekend. He also helps out with extra childcare when asked. My question is, should I tell them my concerns or stay out of it?