Mum’sdeathhitme hard.Ijustwanted tositanddrink ginandgoto bed..sothat’s whatIdid
Star reveals how therapy – and nights on the booze – helped her cope with family bereavement
I recognise when depression is coming. It doesn’t frighten me any more
NEXT month Fern Britton will steel herself for the anniversary of her mum’s death.
Last April, Ruth died aged 94 and the former This Morning presenter spiralled into grief – drinking gin in bed to numb her pain.
The 61-year-old star idolised her mum, who had raised her and her sister on her own after their dad left.
Heartbroken Fern admitted she still has dreams about Ruth – in which she gets a telling off. She said: “I’m finding it very difficult to accept my mum is no longer here. I still can’t quite believe it because she’s so very present in my mind.
“I can still hear her in my head. I dream about her and the dreams are so vivid. She’s always telling me off about something.
“The grief hit me the day her ashes were scattered. As soon as it was over, I thought, ‘I just want to sit and drink gin and go to bed.’ And that’s what I did. I’m not ashamed to say it because we all have different ways of coping.”
Fern admitted she also did some “bonkers” things in the immediate aftermath of her mum’s death, claiming she was still in shock.
She booked a cruise on the Queen Mary 2 on her own and admitted: “I cried a lot in those two weeks but I also wrote a lot and I found that very soothing.”
And while the pain is still raw, Fern feels she is getting stronger – much of it down to therapy she’s had to deal with depression.
She said: “I never know when the grief will come now but I feel in a much better place. Having had years of depressed episodes, I recognise when it’s coming now and it doesn’t frighten me anymore.
“One thing that really helps me is therapy. I’ve had a weekly session for the past five years, which keeps me on track and gives me a lot of food for thought. You learn so much about yourself when you sit in a room and feel safe enough to tell somebody everything. It’s made me a much stronger person.”
She also takes strength from her family. Fern has three children with her first husband and a daughter with second husband, celebrity chef Phil Vickery.
She said: “Phil and I have this wonderful blended family but it has its challenges – no one can make the perfect blend.
“It’s very difficult as the mum when you’re trying to keep two dads happy. From one side you get, ‘What do you mean they’ve gone off in the car?’ And the other one’s going, ‘What do you mean she had a party while I was away for the night?’
“It’s difficult. But then I remind myself that both dads are very good and the kids are lucky to have two of them.”
Fern also seems to be over the trauma of leaving This Morning in 2009 after a decade as a queen of daytime telly.
There were claims she and Phillip Schofield fell out but she’s since stated she’d just had enough of doing the show.
It took her a few years but she’s now found a happy balance doing TV work like Fern Britton Meets, acting (she’s in a touring production of Calender Girls: The Musical) and writing books – the latest of which, The Newcomer, was published this week.
No wonder then she’s finding it hard to find romance with Phil, with whom she celebrates 19 years of marriage in May.
Fern said: “I’d love to make more time for romance. Phil has done some very romantic things over the years though.
“One Valentine’s Day, he went off to work and, just as I was lying there thinking, ‘Isn’t this lovely’, the bell rang. Standing at the door was a florist with 500 daffodils. I filled every jug and saucepan we had until they were all over the house.”
Earlier this week, Fern thanked staff at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary after they treated her for a fall.
She’d been in the city for Calender Girls and, while she loves being on the show, has to keep telling people: “I don’t get naked in the show!” She added: “But if I had to do it, I would. I hate that people care so much about what size and shape women’s bodies are now. I’m not perfect – my boobs and knees are going south – but am I bothered? Not really.”