Dear Coleen

I’VE been with this guy for three years but I’m frustrated because he’s happy to see me just once a week. I’m 34 now and want to move the relationship on.

He blames work and other things but it’s just not ringing true. Surely if he loved me, he’d want to see me more often?

It’s nagging away at me that he’s always been known as a bit of a player, so I’m starting to question his commitment.

It’s always me who calls him and makes arrangements for us to do things and I’m wondering why he puts in so little effort. What do you think? be damaging your self-esteem. On the surface of it, he doesn’t seem like someone who’s committed and sees a long-term future with you.

Yes, you’ve invested three years in him but can you ever see things being different from the way they are now?

Tell him what you want and if it doesn’t marry up with what he wants, then put yourself first and walk away. Perhaps when you’re unavailable to him, he’ll think again and you can work with it but right now I think you should focus on yourself.

You’re clearly unhappy, so you have to dig deep and realise that you deserve better and give yourself the chance to find a fulfilling and equal relationship.