We married quickly and things are turning sour
I’VE been married 18 months and things are already going wrong. It was a whirlwind romance and we moved in together and got married in the space of six months. We both fell madly in love with each other, so everything happened very fast.
However, over the past year we’ve been arguing a lot over pretty much everything. His way of handling it is to disappear to the pub and come back at closing time, so we never really get the chance for a proper discussion.
I can’t believe things are going this badly so early on in our marriage and I want to do anything it takes to save it. We had talked about trying for a baby but we can barely look at each other at the moment let alone have sex.
We’re quite different people – I’m very sociable, while he struggles in social situations and would rather be at home. It’s the cause of lots of rows.
I think we need to see a therapist but I haven’t talked to him about it because I don’t want to antagonise him more. What do you think?
Coleen says
IF YOU’RE struggling to communicate with each other, then I think therapy sounds like a very good idea. If he’ll agree to it, of course. Right now, he seems to be avoiding the issues by drowning his sorrows at the pub.
I think part of the problem might be that you did everything so quickly you didn’t really get a chance to get to know each other properly – warts and all – and the differences in your personalities are starting to become an issue.
Differences aren’t a bad thing – it might be what attracted you to each other in the first place – but can you love each other in spite of them?
I think you should definitely put the baby plans on hold until you’ve worked through some of these issues and your relationship is in a stronger place.
Having a newborn is demanding even in the best circumstances and a child will only put extra pressure on you both at a very vulnerable time in your relationship.
Achieving a good and lasting relationship depends a lot on compromise and an ability to put the other person first sometimes for the good of the relationship.
Perhaps you’re both still stuck in a single person’s mentality, when instead you need to think of yourselves as part of a couple and working as a team.