A magic gel gave me my sparkle back
Comedian Helen Lederer talks about self-doubt, self-help and how she’s discovered the secret to midlife desire
HELEN Lederer is, by her own admission, partial to a bit of self-help.
Positive affirmations, therapy, meditation, pampering and decluttering, she’ll gladly give any of it a go in order to achieve a happy balance in life.
Recently, a chance meeting with a group of “amazing” older women inspired her to try something new – and she’s been thrilled with the results.
And she claims testosterone gel has put a twinkle in her eye – and her marriage.
Helen said: “Initially, I thought, how can you get desire out of a bit of gel? But my experience is it’s quite nice.
“Desire is a fantastically important thing to have. And it’s good to recognise if you haven’t got it and sort it out.”
She joked: “Now I’m open to anything.”
Comedian Helen, 64, has been a consistent presence on stage and screen since appearing in The Young Ones and Naked Video in the mid-80s.
Over the years, she has starred in shows including Absolutely Fabulous and Bottom. She’s also an acclaimed writer and novelist.
Her latest project, the Comedy Women in Print Awards, celebrates witty female writers and attracted a stellar line-up of judges including Marian Keyes, Kathy Lette and Jenny Eclair.
Helen is herself a very funny woman, yet has been plagued by self-doubt throughout her life – although she can’t pinpoint its source.
“Childhood? Being fat? Wheezy? I had asthma, all of that? I don’t know. “But I don’t think I can really shift it, having reached this age. You just live with the fact that this is how it is.
“My 40s were the worst time for comparing myself because life hadn’t gone as I thought it would. I really wanted to be in a sitcom and it didn’t happen.
“But the important thing is to accept it isn’t a disaster. You can be on TV or not but you still have your life to lead. You do get perspective.”
Helen has just finished her second novel and is now thinking about writing her memoirs.
She said: “If you’re energised, if you’ve got a kind of hope or a purpose to your day, it keeps you active.”
Helen suffered a “spate of being low-low” a few years ago – a stint of depression that she only later linked with perimenopause.
HRT has been helpful and then there is the testosterone – a hormone that can be used to help boost libido during menopause.
Helen is adamant that older women – or anyone in a longterm relationship – should find ways to reconnect with desire, not just for sex, but to feel alive.
She said: “You have to address how to keep connected as you get older and you’re with the same person. Relationships go through phases. If you’re both very busy, you can suddenly realise, ‘I haven’t had a proper conversation with this person for months’.
She added, jokingly: “So get that testosterone on.”
Helen lives in Dulwich, south London, with her second husband Chris Browne.
She and her first husband, newspaper editor Roger Alton, divorced in 1989 and Helen raised their daughter, Hannah, now 29.
Helen met Chris, a GP, when Hannah was 10.
She said: “I’ve been with Chris for 20 years this year, which I cannot believe because he’s the second one.”
At 64, Helen has pondered issues of “senior middle age”. Should she downsize, stop dyeing her hair, buy a cardi?
Not likely. Her trademark blond hair is here to stay.
She said: “I torture myself thinking, ‘What would it be like if I didn’t have this lie on my head?
“My mum went grey and my sister has but I need the colour. I’ve got to have mascara, black liner and the hair. That’s me.
“It’s terrible, the co-dependence on the person who dyes your hair.
“When I lose my mobility and get a stair lift, I’ll just have to get the hair person to come to the house.”
■■For more information about the Comedy Women In Print Awards, visit comedywomeninprint.co.uk