HE WANTS HIS EX TO STAY THE NIGHT WITH US

Dear Coleen

I’VE been with my boyfriend for two years and we moved in together six months ago. When we got together, he’d come out of an eight-year relationship with someone he lived with. They’d been dating since they were 20 and at university.

He explained their relationship had turned into more of a best mates situation and that they separated amicably. He says his ex is like a sister but that they got together young and the romance and intimacy just ran its course.

I’ve always been fine about him staying friends with her and chatting over email, social media and so on. However, the other night, he said she was going to be in the area for work and has asked me if she can stay the night.

I don’t feel OK with it and haven’t even met this woman but I don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable. What do you think?

Coleen says

IF YOU feel awkward about it, you need to be honest with him and have a discussion. He probably hasn’t thought too much about how this might affect you because he knows they’re “just mates”.

But they were together for eight years (a lot longer than you’ve been together) and you don’t know her at all. Of course it’s going to get you thinking and perhaps tap into any insecurities.

Why not suggest she stays in a local hotel and then comes to yours for dinner?

That way you can meet her and, if the situation arises again in the future, you might be totally fine with her staying over. You might actually really like her.

I’m sure if you suggest that, and once he’s mulled it over, he’ll understand your choice and think it’s a sensible compromise.