SHE LEFT ME AND I FEEL SO MESSED UP

Dear Coleen

I WAS seeing my girlfriend for about four months before she broke up with me. I feel really messed around because of the way she did it and it’s left me feeling bad about myself because she wasn’t honest with me.

We’re both in our late 20s and she’s the first woman I’ve dated in a long time who I’ve connected with, so I thought everything was going really well.

She started cancelling dates, saying she was too tired or had to do some work. However, on one of the nights she cancelled on me, I drove to the petrol station to get some milk and I saw her in the window of Pizza Express eating dinner with her friends.

When I confronted her about it the next day, she admitted she’d lied because she wasn’t into our relationship any more. She didn’t give away much about her reasons, only that she’d realised we were very different people and couldn’t see us being together long term.

I’ve been left wondering what I did wrong or what’s wrong with me. What’s your opinion?

Coleen says

I DON’T think you should spend any more time worrying about what you did wrong because the answer is nothing. And you can’t change yourself to keep hold of someone – that would be a very stressful and exhausting way to live.

She handled it badly and told lies because she couldn’t face having to deal with dumping you in person and probably hoped you’d get sick of her cancelling dates and dump her. It’s the coward’s way out.

You just have to learn from this and move on, and the most important thing to realise is that she wasn’t right for you. And better to know this four months in than four years down the line.

Now you have the opportunity to move on and find yourself the right person.