SHOCKED OVER HUBBY’S DAILY PORN SECRET

Dear Coleen

I’M a woman in my 40s and have been happily married for 20 years. My husband is a great guy – reliable, loving, a good provider for me and our teenage daughter and just an all-round lovely person.

However, I’ve discovered he looks at porn on his computer nearly every day and some of it is gay porn, although not all. I was shocked and cried for a week.

I think I have to confront him over it but I don’t know how to start the conversation or how it’ll end. I don’t want to lose him but, at the same time, I know I need to say something about it.

Our sex life is OK, although I wouldn’t say it was particularly passionate – I just put that down to the fact we’d been together a long time. Have you any advice?

Coleen says

YOU just need to talk to him and tell him you were shocked to find he watches porn almost daily and it’s made you feel insecure about your relationship. You can’t ignore it if it’s affecting you this much.

Of course it’s a hard conversation to start because you have that fear of where it’s going to lead but what’s the alternative?

A lot of guys watch porn but almost daily sounds like he could be in addiction territory. Tell him you’re worried he views it so often and ask him why that is. You’ll find lots of information on porn and sex addiction online.

I think you’re also upset as this was a shock – you thought you knew everything about your husband but you didn’t know this.

It’s a side of him you’re not comfortable with and that might have changed your perception of him. The only way to understand or feel reassured is to start the conversation.