Daily Record

I WANT OUT BUT I’M RACKED WITH GUILT

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Dear Coleen

I’M a man in my 30s and want to leave my marriage. I’ve thought about it for a long time and the only thing that’s stopping me is guilt. I love my wife as a friend, but that’s it.

We’ve been trying for a family for a few years with no success and it’s put a big strain on our relationsh­ip. She’s been very down as a result and I’ve been her crutch. I worry that if I leave her, she’ll be completely devastated and won’t get over it.

It’s driving me mad thinking about it and I’m deeply unhappy. Can you advise?

Coleen says

IT’S a very sad situation for you both and perhaps the roots of your relationsh­ip problems lie in your quest to have a child, which puts such pressure on couples. When you’re in the middle of all that, it’s easy to forget why you got together in the first place and why you fell in love.

I really believe counsellin­g would help and you can access relationsh­ip therapy online. Even if at the end of it you still want out, you’ll have gone through a process and allowed each other to share how you feel in a controlled and safe environmen­t.

I think it can be very hard at home to discuss these difficult truths without anger or other emotions taking over.

Therapy would give you both an opportunit­y to speak honestly and would give your wife more time to process it all.

You might even find when you start talking, it’ll reignite something and make you realise that you do still love her.

Of course that’s not always the outcome of therapy but it can also bring things to an end in a better way by helping you to work through it properly.

Good luck.

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