NOW THAT WE’RE MARRIED I SEE HOW LAZY SHE IS

Dear Coleen

I’M A man in my 30s and got married nearly two years ago.

My wife and I didn’t live together before we were married because she owned a house with her sister and my job meant I travelled a lot.

Now we have our own place, and although living together was great at first, things have settled into a really unhealthy routine, which has become entrenched over lockdown.

Basically, she’s incredibly lazy and messy, and hardly lifts a finger.

I do most of the cooking because I’m “better at it” according to her.

She leaves clothes everywhere and the small room where she’s been working over lockdown looks like it’s been raided.

I know this probably sounds trivial, but it’s changing how I feel about her. I never saw this side of her before. Can you help?

Coleen says

IT DOESN’T sound like there’s much teamwork going on. Over time, daily irritations like this can have a huge impact on a relationship, so I don’t think your concerns are trivial at all.

Living together is a test of a relationship because you see every side of your partner.

Try to avoid nagging or arguing over it, but tell her that the way she is at home is changing how you see her.

Tell her you want to be a team and achieve things together – whether it’s mundane stuff like keeping your home nice or bigger decisions that affect your future.

I wonder if there’s anything behind her lack of enthusiasm – anxiety or depression, for example. It might be worth delving to see how she’s feeling about things generally.

Also, you can have a lot of fun cooking or gardening together, and enjoy the shared sense of achievement it brings.