I’m in no mood for miserable television

Diane Morgan – aka Philomena Cunk – plays a woman blundering through life with hilarious consequences in new sitcom

Oh my God I’m glad you brought them up. When I wrote that episode I thought, it’s 2020, they’ll have realistic looking tarantulas. Turns out they don’t. I freaked out. They’re my worst fear ever. The thought of them makes me shudder. So a handler came in and had one in a sandwich box he kept on a log. They said they’d have to get me used to it, in case I flip out and kill it out of sheer shock. So they put it on my leg so I could feel the weight.

Honestly, I did really well because inside I was throwing up. At one point it walked up the back of my neck and I was wearing a top with holes in it and one of its legs slid through the hole and touched my skin. I was biting my tongue, praying for them to shout ‘Cut!’ I’m sweating talking about it.

For sure. And a scene where Mandy strips off so people can eat sushi from her. It wasn’t easy being practically naked lying on a table covered in raw fish in front of my co-star Sean Lock. I obviously don’t think things through when I’m writing. Are there any other famous faces? My mate Maxine Peake is in it, Natalie Cassidy, practically everyone from the set of Afterlife. I stole his cast... so cheers Ricky. Did you love starring in Afterlife? It was great. I love working with Ricky Gervais (Diane was

Kath, a fellow employee at the local paper). He’s really generous and good fun. And the people he casts are always lovely people you’d want to hang out with anyway. Even watching it back I sob and I know what happens – I was there. It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it?

I do, but I watch it once with the sound down. If I can cope with the silent run I gradually edge up the sound. I look at myself and think, ‘Why did I do that? Do I need a lower face lift? Look at my hair!’

Well the great thing with that show is that it doesn’t feel like me. She has become like a suit of armour. Whatever I say, it wasn’t me, it was Philomena Cunk. So I can get away with almost anything, which is the most wonderful feeling. I imagine it’s how most people would like to live. If they had the courage.

I remember interviewing a historian and I asked how Winston Churchill came to invent Tipp-ex. He looked livid. They know it’s a comedy but don’t know what I’ll ask. The interviews last a couple of hours, I start with normal questions and they really get into it. Then, once I’ve lulled them into a false sense of security, I start pulling out the madder questions. Then it’s too late for them to leave. There have been plenty of times where I’ve thought, ‘Oh no, they’re really annoyed now’.

We had to stop with one man. The director asked him to go a bit easier on me and made him take five minutes to calm down. But at the back of my mind I was thinking, ‘If he punches me now it would be so amazing!’ That would make great TV. That’s what everyone wants to see isn’t it? We’re so bored, let’s get some punches in. Square in the face.

I’d need an element of comedy. I was asked to play a copper a year or so ago, a proper fist banging on a table angry part. I couldn’t do it without laughing. I just felt so ridiculous. Plus TV can be quite miserable and I’m not in the mood for misery. I want to be taken out of myself and watch something silly. Was it all laughs in lockdown? It was spent with my partner Ben. We have a great time, we both love comedy. It was way easier for me. I’m a hermit. I could easily live in the same room for 30 years. I’d make a great prisoner. I’m happy staring into space for hours.

More funny. Afterlife Series 3 will start filming soon and there is a new Motherland in the pipeline. I’m hoping for more Cunk. Although I’m still not convinced I can make people laugh – I’m going to keep trying. l Mandy is on Thursday, BBC2, 9.30pm.