GIRLFRIEND HAS FALLEN FOR AN OLD PAL

Dear Coleen

I’M a man in my 20s and feel devastated after my girlfriend told me she’d fallen in love with someone else.

She’d been staying with her parents in lockdown and got close again to a guy she’d grown up with. She swears nothing physical has happened between them but it’s an emotional connection and she wanted to be honest before they got more involved.

I’m finding it hard to deal with because it’s not about sex – she loves someone else. I still love her, so it’s hard, and I now have to face going over to her place to collect my stuff. It’s really broken me and I never saw it coming.

Coleen says

I TOTALLY understand how hurt you must feel – the thought of your partner being in love with someone else is like a knife to the heart and, in my opinion, hurts more than a one-night stand or an affair based on sex.

You can’t switch off your feelings overnight – you don’t stop loving someone instantly – so it’s going to feel painful for a while. I’m afraid there’s no easy way around that – you have to feel it and give yourself a chance to heal. I think distraction is useful – keeping busy, connecting with friends, seeing people if you can and talking about it when you want to.

At least she told you and didn’t embark on an affair with this other guy. But the fact she was vulnerable to someone else tells me that your relationship wasn’t on solid ground, at least as far as she was concerned.

I know it’s hard not to take this really personally and start looking at faults in yourself and what you could have done differently but try not to do that.

You are enough as you are and you have plenty to offer the right woman. If you can move on from this and give yourself the opportunity to meet people, you will find someone who’s a much better match.

Good luck.

IT seems lockdown has resulted in a few bad habits for home workers. According to a survey by an end-of-tenancy cleaning company, 47 per cent of women and 44 per cent of men admit to skipping their post-sex shower and heading straight to their desks. Urgh!