HE’S OFF SEX.. I ALWAYS MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

Dear Coleen

I’M a married woman in my 30s and have a 19-month-old daughter.

I’d say my husband and I have a good relationship but he’s lost interest in sex over the past few months. I feel embarrassed initiating it all the time, so I’ve stopped trying and he never makes a move. He’s usually asleep before I even get into bed.

I’m feeling frustrated and a bit insecure to be honest but I haven’t had a serious discussion with him yet and I’m not sure how to.

Can you advise?

Coleen says

I THINK a discussion about it is long overdue. I know it’s awkward, even with someone you know so well, but it’s important.

Lots of things affect sex drive, and stress and exhaustion are two of the main ones. You have a very young child, which is tiring, and we’ve also been living through a very stressful time, trying to keep our lives going as best we can.

Perhaps he has work or financial worries or he’s finding it hard working from home? The only way to find out how he’s feeling is to ask him.

The important thing is to tackle the issue now and not to let it get to a point where it’s really hard to come back from. When we’ve been together a long time or our relationship is challenged in other ways, it’s vital to keep making an effort for each other if the relationship is going to last.

Rather than being confrontational or accusatory, which might push him further away, why not suggest some ways to rebuild intimacy and make more time for each other?

Maybe you need to see each other differently or be reminded of what attracted you to each other – desire starts in the brain.