SHOCKED BY HIS FLIRTING WITH FRIEND

Dear Coleen

I’VE been married for 15 years and my husband and I have a good relationship. However, during lockdown I think we both gave up a bit in keeping the romance going. He made no effort and neither did I, if I’m honest.

I suppose I’ve always taken our relationship for granted and I’ve never been suspicious that he’s cheated or fancied someone else.

However, a few days ago, we saw another couple for a socially distanced birthday dinner and he was flirting with the woman, and I know she really likes my husband and was flirty back.

It made me feel rubbish and I don’t know how to bring it up with him because, technically, he didn’t really do anything wrong. Am I making too much of this?

Coleen says

NO, I understand you being affected by his behaviour, but you might be reading a lot more into it because of how you’re feeling. It’s easy to blow things out of proportion if you’re feeling a bit low or insecure.

If you were feeling stronger and better about the relationship, you would probably have laughed it off or might not have even noticed.

So, I think you need to start with a conversation with your husband about how you take each other for granted and have stopped making an effort.

Maybe he had a bit of a flirt to boost his ego because he feels the same as you do. And when he finds himself chatting to a woman who’s paying him attention, then he responds.

Maybe if a guy flirted with you at the moment, you’d flirt back, even though it wouldn’t mean anything serious.

The problem is, you’re not addressing the things that are worrying you. Start by saying, “I’m worried that neither of us is making an effort. I even got a bit jealous the other night because you were paying her more attention than me.”