HE’S NOT BEING HONEST ABOUT AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

ABOUT a year ago, I found out my husband had been having an affair with a mutual friend. It floored me because I liked this woman and valued her friendship.

I didn’t see it coming at all and, as well as being completely devastated and hurt, I also felt like a complete fool. I was left feeling so humiliated.

He ended the affair to give our marriage another chance and I haven’t spoken to this woman since, obviously.

We’ve had a few therapy sessions but my husband isn’t very open in them and he still hasn’t provided a proper explanation about why he went off with the other woman, which means I can’t trust him. A year on, I’m still not much further down the line and I still cry myself to sleep sometimes.

Is this normal? Is it ever going to get easier?

Coleen says

IT’S normal for you and there’s no set time when you should be “over it”. It’s about your journey and, at some point, you might decide that despite your best efforts, the marriage isn’t going to work and you need to put an end to it.

I do think it’s a problem if he’s not being honest about the circumstances around the affair and how he felt at the time. Unless he’s honest – even if it hurts you – it’s going to be hard to trust him again.

But I think you should keep going with therapy and bring this up in the session – be totally honest yourself and challenge him.

I know from personal experience therapy isn’t an instant fix and it can take many sessions before you feel like you’re getting somewhere. So you have to trust the process and stick with it.

Also, therapy might help you decide it’s over and pave the way to separation. Good luck.