STEP-KIDS HATE ME OVER AFFAIR WITH THEIR DAD

Dear Coleen

I’VE been with my husband for two years and we got married this time last year. When we met, he was still with his long-term partner (they never married) and it was our affair that finally ended their rocky relationship.

He also has two teenage children who took it very badly, and neither of them want anything to do with me. While I can handle it – I understand why they’re angry with me and stay loyal to their mum – I hate the way they now treat my husband.

They won’t come to the house because of me and they wouldn’t even speak to him this Christmas. His messages go unanswered and, although he puts a brave face on it, I know he’s hurting like hell.

Any ideas?

Coleen says

UNFORTUNATELY, I’m not sure there’s much you can do to make things right at this stage. I think it’s up to your husband and his kids to find a way to reset their relationship and it might take time.

You don’t know what their mum is saying to them about their dad and they probably also see what happened in very simplistic terms – their dad betrayed their mum and you were the woman who stole him. I think as they get older, they’ll appreciate relationships are complicated and it’s rarely one person’s fault, but right now they’re hurt and angry.

I think all your husband can do is let them know he loves them and is there for them whenever they’re ready to talk and apologise for the way things happened.

I don’t know how frosty things are with his ex, but he could also reach out to her and ask for her help with the kids.

Whatever bad feeling exists between them, she should want what’s best for her children and that would be to maintain a relationship with their father.