HUBBY WON’T HELP ME LOOK AFTER OUR SON

Dear Coleen

MY husband and I had a baby in our 40s. He was never that keen on having a family, but gave in because he knew it meant a lot to me. Our son is two now and gorgeous and we both adore him.

My problem is, my husband now behaves like some kind of martyr since agreeing (against his better judgment) to have a baby later in life. And I think he believes it’s given him the green light to opt out of helping with our son.

Basically, I do everything – feeding, changing, bedtime, childcare – while my husband carries on as if he has no parental responsibility at all.

I’m starting to resent him and don’t think it’s fair.

Do you have any ideas?

Coleen says

I GUESS this is the danger when one partner gives in to something grudgingly. I agree, it’s not fair, but his mindset is obviously: “I love my son but I’m not prepared to do the work at this stage in my life”.

Before you have a baby, especially if you’re the one who’s keen, you’ll promise to do all the work and not put pressure on your partner, not realising how hard parenting can be on your own.

The answer is to tell him how you feel and explain that while you don’t expect him to mind your son 24/7, you do expect help now and again in the same way you’d help him with something he was struggling with. At the end of the day, you’re two people who love each other, helping each other out. You have to work as a team.

If it’s any consolation, at your son’s age, even if both partners are 100 per cent behind having kids, there are always arguments over parenting. In fact, I can’t remember what I argued about with either of my husbands before we had kids.