I WANT MY PAL’S LONG-TERM BOYFRIEND

Dear Coleen

I’M in love with a mate’s boyfriend and don’t know what I can do about it. I obviously haven’t seen much of this couple over the past few months, but the absence just makes me crave this man even more.

He’s been dating my friend for a few years and they live together. We’ve always got along really well and there’s definitely chemistry between us. I’d go as far as to say he flirts with me. For example, when we’ve been at parties, he always makes a beeline for me and is very attentive – taking my coat, refilling my drinks and so on. I know I’m not imagining it.

I’ve been single for a couple of years and do wish I could meet someone, but I compare every guy to my friend’s boyfriend.

Can you help?

Coleen says

UM, don’t even go there! You like this guy and I get that, but maybe what you’re craving more is the relationship they have because it’s what you want.

Subconsciously, you might be a bit jealous, but instead of thinking, “Your relationship is great and I’d love someone like him”, you want to snatch him away from a good friend.

It sounds like you have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with him and, the bottom line is, he’s not available. And maybe that’s what makes him more attractive.

I also think it’s dangerous to read too much into his behaviour – taking your coat and refilling your drinks. Why wouldn’t he do that? You’re his girlfriend’s mate and he’s being nice. There will be someone out there for you, but you won’t find him if you carry on pining after this guy. If you want to keep your friend, you know you need to start looking elsewhere for love.