TAM COWAN’S COVID CHRONICLES
Can you have a bubble bath with someone not in your bubble?
HERE’S one to ponder – do you think anyone from the Flat Earth Society went out this week and bought a sledge…?
Arctic blizzards brought most of Scotland to a standstill but The Beast from the East didn’t scare my best pal. Nope, his mother-in-law’s from Portobello.
It hasn’t kept anyone from the supermarkets, though – where, thanks to a combination of the harsh weather, a global pandemic and Brexit, the panicbuyers are apparently back out in force. It’s true. I popped into Aldi last night and they were down to their last 14 xylophones.
Mexican food is all the rage in the shops and, according to reports, Old El Paso is now out-selling Italian favourite Dolmio as the No1 cooking sauce.
I love Mexican food and I’ll never forget going to a Mexican restaurant in Edinburgh that was SO authentic, the waiter advised us not to drink the water.
(I’m also partial to a wee splash of that Mexican aftershave – Taco Rabanne.)
Talking of grub, a chocolate cake that looks exactly like an Amazon parcel was created for a bloke’s 24th birthday this week in Wales. “And it was absolutely delicious,” said the neighbour it had been left with…
It’s good to try something different during lockdown, so here’s an idea – let’s put a wee Scottish spin on Shrove Tuesday next week by making it Findus Crispy Pancake Day.
When my pal Guy Cowan (no relation) ran his restaurant (Guy’s) in Glasgow’s Merchant City, he loved trying something different.
For example, his menu featured a “Glasgow salad” – otherwise known as a bowl of chips! And I recall a Valentine’s
His menu featured Glasgow salad – also known as a bowl of chips
Night when the brand of champagne romantic couples were served on arrival was called – wait for it – Gobillard.
Thanks to my chronic colour-blindness, I’ve hated Valentine’s Day since I was a kid. Roses are brown, Violets are purple, Ah f*** it… But it can still put a smile on my face. Last year, my next-door neighbour was struggling through his front door with the biggest bouquet of flowers I’ve ever seen.
Genuinely impressed, I said: “So tell me, what’s your wife got that mine hasn’t?”
“Hay-fever,” he replied. I can’t wait to
see Mrs C’s face on Sunday morning when I say: “I’m very sorry, darling, but in keeping with lockdown restrictions, I didn’t think driving to the petrol station for a 99p Valentine’s card was an essential journey…” I might run that one past Professor Jason Leitch.
We’ve enjoyed a Q&A with the Scotland’s national clinical director on Off The Ball since March 2020 and some of last week’s questions from the listeners were tremendous.
“Can you have a bubble bath with someone NOT in your bubble?”
“I’m looking to organise a wee charity night for the NHS. Any chance you could put up some vaccine as a raffle prize?” Any other crackers?
Send them in this Saturday… ●How deep is the snow in Fife? Well, my Kirkcaldy correspondent Wee Jimmy saw a dog climbing a tree to have a pee.
The wee man got his Covid jab this week from a male nurse called Michael who’s in charge of vaccinations at the local clinic. Wee Jimmy says they’ve already nicknamed him Mick Jagger.
Wee Jimmy’s pal Gordon has been making his own bread during lockdown. Yesterday, however, the police raided his house and confiscated his counterfeit machine.