REGRET MOVING IN WITH LAZY NEW MAN
READING the letter from the woman whose partner told her he doesn’t love her any more, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, prompted me to comment (Dear Coleen, February 19).
My (now ex) husband told me the same thing. I spent three years in absolute misery and denial, trying to prove myself and change his mind. I became depressed and I lost all of my self-confidence. He progressed to having affairs and treated me with total disregard. He eventually left anyway, leaving me an emotional wreck. Please don’t let him put you through this and tell him to go now. Sandra, via email
Dear Coleen
I MOVED in with a newish boyfriend back in the summer and I’m already regretting it. I suppose we didn’t know each other that well but we felt really passionate about each other at the time and decided it would be the right move, anticipating more lockdowns.
He just hasn’t turned out to be the person I thought he was.
Our place is a tip because he’s so messy and lazy, and he’s also gone from being attentive and affectionate to moody and taking me for granted.
I feel so disappointed, as I’m 38 and really thought he could be “the one”.
I’d love your advice.
Coleen says
I DOUBT you’re alone in this situation. I think a lot of people panicked when lockdown was announced and decided to take the plunge and move in together, so ended up in a serious relationship sooner than they might have been if Covid hadn’t happened. But it’s perfectly OK to admit you’ve realised you’re not compatible.
And in some ways, because you’ve fasttracked the relationship, you’ve avoided dating for two years before realising the relationship isn’t working. Yes, of course it’s disappointing, but it’s better to know now.
Don’t let your age be a factor in this. I understand your biological clock is probably ticking but that’s no reason to stay in a relationship that isn’t working.
If you’re really worried about time running out to start a family, there are options.
Perhaps you could start by getting your fertility checked or even having your eggs frozen. This would help you feel more confident and empowered.
STV, 7.30pm & 8.30pm AFTER Sam witnessed Jacob and Simon bundling a young lad into the boot of a car, Simon assures Sam that it was only a prank. But when Sam later has a meltdown at school, will the truth come out?
Meanwhile, Alya is furious to discover that Geoff left everything to Tim, while Tim says he doesn’t even want it. Elsewhere, Kai accuses Johnny of dealing drugs, even though it’s his medication. And Asha is feeling the cold shoulder from Nina.