WILL HE EVER STOP OFFLOADING ABOUT EX?
HERE’S my take on the letter from the 24-year-old man yet to find a girlfriend (Dear Coleen, Feb 17). The reality is often different to the fantasy.
I say this because, along with a relationship there inevitably comes stress involving in-laws, children, money worries, boredom and potentially affairs.
So in the meantime, my advice is you should enjoy yourself and find a hobby you love that will keep you occupied.
Dear Coleen
I MET my partner in November 2019, things progressed quickly and he moved into my place a year ago. He’d been divorced 18 months before we got together and it was acrimonious – she’d been having an affair – and they hated each other at the end.
But he insisted he was ready to be in a relationship with me and I was crazy about him.
However, now I constantly feel like a rebound partner – someone to offload on about his ex.
He refers to their marriage all the time and uses it as an excuse for not doing things with me. Once bitten, twice shy!
He’s already said he’ll never marry again, which I’m not hung up on, but I’m sick of being punished for his last relationship.
I’ve told him I want a break to think about things and he’s not happy. I just don’t know if it’ll ever work until he gets his ex out of his system. Can you help?
Coleen says
AH, THE ex-factor! I totally understand why you don’t want your relationship to be a bridge to help him heal and move on to his next relationship. I always think it’s a good idea to take a break from relationships after a painful break-up to give yourself a chance to get over it and to get to know yourself again and what you want. Maybe he thought 18 months was long enough, but it sounds as if he’s still carrying a lot of baggage.
I think a break can be a positive thing – it might make him think about what he’s got to lose and appreciate that you’re not his ex and your relationship won’t be the same, and you deserve to start your time together with a clean slate.
If it’s what you want then insist on it, and try to help him see that it could help your relationship in the long term, especially as you met and moved in together quite quickly.