SHE DOESN’T WANT SEX BUT I’M DESPERATE

Dear Coleen

MY WIFE and I are both in our 50s and haven’t had sex in a couple of years, which is really bringing me down. We’re both fit and attractive people and I don’t want the sexual side of our relationship to be over for good. But that’s the way it’s going.

Whenever I’ve tried to initiate sex, she just turns away or says she’s not in the mood. But she’s never in the mood. Now she’s getting angry if I bring it up and just snaps: “You want it, I don’t, end of story.”

I do love her but I can’t deal with the lack of intimacy.

Can you help?

Coleen says

LOSING your sex drive is pretty common when you’re going through or have been through menopause. There are treatment options, which she could discuss with her doctor or a gynaecologist.

But perhaps approach it by asking her about the menopause and how she’s feeling rather than making it all about sex.

At your wife’s age, it can be a physically and emotionally challenging time and if you would like to understand it better, there’s plenty of good information online.

However, if she wants your relationship to work now and in the future, then she has to acknowledge how you feel, too. You have to be honest that you miss sex and intimacy and, while you love her, it’s affecting how you feel about the relationship.

The only way to resolve things is to be open and honest with each other – even if it feels awkward or it hurts to hear certain truths. If you’re struggling to do this, then relationship therapy could be a way forward. Try relate.org.uk.