WHERE DID WE GO WRONG WITH OUR TWO GIRLS?

Dear Coleen

ONE of my daughters had an abortion but never told us about it until years later, which I’m struggling to understand. The sad thing is, we would have supported her no matter what.

To add to our stress, our other daughter abused us in public.

Both our daughters are now adults and we’ve done everything in our power to help them.

We’re both heartbroken about how things have turned out – where did we go wrong?

Coleen says

AS you say, your daughters are both grown women now and have to take responsibility for their own actions and behaviour. So I think it would help to stop beating yourselves up and focus on improving your relationship with them going forward.

There might have been many reasons why your daughter didn’t tell you about the abortion – maybe she didn’t want to upset you or cause you stress, maybe she felt it was a private matter or didn’t feel ready to discuss it with anyone. Maybe she felt ashamed or as if she’d let you down.

It might not have been because she didn’t feel you’d support her.

You can still let her know you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk about it, and that she would have had your support at the time.

As for your other daughter, I don’t know why she abused you in public, but tell her it’s not the way to get her point across or to resolve things.

She can come and talk to you any time – your door is always open – but firing abuse at you in public is unacceptable.