I RESENT HUBBY FOR MOVING US TO THE SEASIDE

Dear Coleen

I’M a woman in my 60s and for the past 10 years I’ve done everything my husband wanted to do, which involved giving up our lovely house and garden, and moving to a small flat by the sea where I knew no one.

I miss my garden and my friends, and I resent him for making me move. The truth is, our marriage is OK, but that’s it. There’s not much passion any more and we both have quite separate interests.

I think a lot about what it would be like if I left him, but I keep thinking about my age and how stupid it sounds to walk out of a 30-year marriage. I haven’t told anyone how I feel, even my closest friends.

Have you any advice?

Coleen says

YES, I think you should talk to him first – he might not even be aware of how you feel. I accept that he’s driven all these changes over the past 10 years, but you agreed to them at the time.

What you need to say is, “I’ve gone along with all your plans over the past 10 years, but I’m not happy”. Then tell him why and what’s missing. At least have the discussion before you pack your bags and leave.

It might be his turn to do something for you and he might realise he doesn’t want to lose you and he’s prepared to do whatever it takes. I just think you should give him the opportunity.

It’s really hard to be so honest, but it’s the only way to move forward, or you could find yourself still stuck in the same situation in another 10 years’ time.