I came out to my mum but her reaction devastated me
Dear Coleen
I FINALLY told my mum that I’m lesbian and that I have a girlfriend, and her reaction wasn’t what I’d expected. She’s a strong woman and has brought up me and my brother alone after our dad walked out years ago.
I’ve always respected her and been able to talk to her about things, but it seems that being gay isn’t OK with her.
She kept saying things like: “Are you sure?”, “Is it just a phase?” and “You’ve never felt like this before”.
The truth is, I’ve known I’m not straight for a long time, but I’ve never felt ready to say anything until now. I’m 19 and my girlfriend is 21.
I’ve told friends and they’ve been nothing but supportive, which gave me the confidence to broach things with my mum.
I don’t know if it’s ignorance or panic, but the way she’s reacting is like I’ve murdered someone!
My girlfriend says to give her time and then talk to her again, but I don’t see why I should care about upsetting her when the way she’s reacted has been devastating for me. Can you help?
Coleen says
I’D listen to your girlfriend actually – she sounds sensible and calm, and might have been through something similar herself when she came out.
I’m really sorry your mum reacted the way she did and understandably it’s upsetting and disappointing. But maybe it’s just shock if she had no idea you were gay.
Perhaps fear and ignorance play a part or she might even be worried about family, friends and how she’ll explain it. Or she could be worried about you and if you’ll face any kind of discrimination.
Only she can give you the answers. So, I think you do need a calm conversation once the dust has settled to talk about these things.
Carry on being open and inviting questions and tell her you love her and would like her support. But if possible, try to work through it with her and, remember, you’ve known about and understood your sexuality for years whereas she’s only just found out.
And if she wants more information and support, fflag.org.uk is a really good organisation that helps families with gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender children.
I don’t know whether it’s ignorance or panic