McCoist is making the whole thing Love match TV WATCH

IT’S “the biggest match of the Euros so far”, said Mark Pougatch. “A fixture that’s defined generations” added Gabriel Clarke.

My Virgin Media programme guide told me I was about to watch Croatia v Spain, and with Luka Modric lining up against the three-time winners you could understand the hype.

All of which made it somewhat confusing when ITV showed an interview with Phil Foden.

Irony enthusiast Clarke claimed the Germans were “clinging to the past for inspiration”. Still on England v Germany, Pougatch admitted “We might go on about it”, which is akin to George Galloway saying he might be George Galloway’s biggest fan.

Pougatch was joined by Graeme Souness (gravitas, clarity), Ian Wright (charisma, likeability) and Ashley Cole (Arsenal, Chelsea). Co-commentator Emma Hayes demonstrated the enthusiasm, insight and tactical awareness that have made her this tournament’s breakout star.

Hayes displayed humanity in response to Spain’s own goal, praising Unai Simon’s team-mates for consoling him. I’d have gone with “Get that replay fired up lol”.

During France v Switzerland, Clive Tyldesley remarked: “France still have some gears to go through. They need to get their foot on the clutch and start accelerating”. Never accept a lift from Clive.

As the second half began, Tyldesley told viewers: “This is where some of you may be leaving us for Love Island on ITV4. Please don’t. Swipe right for Ally McCoist”.

I can guarantee nothing happened on Love Island to match the 210 seconds when Switzerland’s Ricardo Rodriguez saw his penalty saved, France scored and McCoist exclaimed: “How do you FEEL son?”. Not to mention the ‘AWWWWWW’s and ‘OHHHHHH’s with which McCoist greeted five second-half goals.

You’ve GOT to say, he’s my type on paper Clive.