I’m happily married but keep fantasising about ex

I’M A woman in my early 30s and have a 14-year-old son after getting pregnant with my ex when we were both 18. We split up soon after our son was born, but have always got on really well and he is a really good dad.

Now I’m married with a three-year-old daughter and have started to fantasise about my ex a lot.

I keep thinking we were just too young back then and if we’d met now we’d have fallen in love, got married and been together for life.

I think the only reason we broke up after our son was born was that we were too young to be parents and neither of us was ready to settle down. He ended up going to university and I went back to studying when our son was three.

Things are different now, we both have good jobs and life is steady. My ex has a long-term girlfriend, but they don’t have kids.

I do love my husband and he’s a great dad to our daughter, but the physical spark I have with my ex makes things so confusing. I have no idea how he feels by the way, or if he’d ever consider starting a relationship with me again. Please help.

WELL, maybe because your life is steady at the moment you can have these fantasies, but if you ended up having an affair or leaving your marriage, everything will blow up. It might not be a fantasy then.

I think if you’re in a comfortable place and you love your husband, think very carefully about going back.

If I were you, I’d look at ways to make your marriage more exciting instead.

I’ve often looked back to my first boyfriend, who I was with for four years, and thought he was “the one”, and I’ve looked back fondly on both marriages to the good times, but none of those relationships would work now because we’re not the same people any more.

And you and your ex are different people now because of how your life experiences have shaped you. It won’t be the same.

We all have fantasies and like to think back to those youthful relationships that were so thrilling – it’s how we act on them that’s crucial. So, before you capsize the boat, be sure it’s the right thing to do.

I’D like to comment on the letter from the woman worried about what potential dates will think of the fact she’s a single, unemployed mum (Dear Coleen, October 7).

If the fact you had to give up your job to take care of your child is a problem for a man, then he’s not worth dating. He should like you for you – not because of what job you have or where you live. Look at it this way, if your situation puts some guys off, it’s a good way of weeding out the rubbish ones!

I feel if we’d met now we would be a couple for life