Not Cumming on the show but he’s got a good excuse
I’LL NEVER forget Sir Sean Connery telling me the one thing he hated in life was name-dropping, so I hope you’ll forgive me when I tell you I had a wee text exchange with Hollywood star Alan Cumming (Aberfeldy’s finest).
Having seen him pop up on several UK telly shows, I knew he was in the country and wanted to invite him on to “the greatest-ever radio show” (his words, not mine) Off The Ball.
Alas, he was travelling home to New York to start work on a new movie this Sunday.
That’s when I realised I’m totally Z-list. What am I doing this Sunday? Opening a jumble sale in Bellshill.
Meanwhile, Brian Cox – a Scottish movie legend who HAS appeared on Off The Ball – admits using Viagra because (and this is such a lovely turn of phrase) “desire sometimes outweighs performance”.
On the strength of that line alone, surely Viagra should get him signed up for their next TV ad? He’s certainly got the perfect surname for it… PS. My favourite ever Viagra joke was told on my old telly show Offside by the late, great Frank Carson.
A man went into his local chemist’s for some Viagra and was asked if he had a prescription.
“No,” he said, “but I’ve got a photograph of the wife…” PPS. Apologies to Thomas, my dentist. After a few days of agonising toothache, I booked an emergency appointment last week and, guess what, the minute I parked my bum on his chair, the pain disappeared. How embarrassing. But I’ll be even more embarrassed if something similar happens tomorrow when I visit my local erectile dysfunction clinic…