Man U couldn’t make up some of phrases pundits come out with
IN THE run-up to Christmas (I know, I know) it has been revealed that 47 per cent of 18 to 29-year-olds love retro gifts like tea cosies and lava lamps.
Tell you what, dear reader, I’m hoping that 100 per cent of 10-year-olds also love retro gifts. Well, thanks to all the shortages and delivery issues, we’ve decided to re-wrap the Xmas presents we got for our wee lassie LAST year…
Nah, as if I could ever do that to daddy’s little star.
I had a smile on my face when I read that Manchester United’s pampered stars have a team of technicians to tune in their TVs and fix their computers when they crash.
I’ve personally got 10-year-old Sophie. (How great are today’s kids with all the techy stuff ?)
“I could help Manchester United,” she said. “What, by showing the players how to work their tellies and computers?”
“No, by playing in central midfield,” she replied.
The former giants of English football have been absolutely honking this season (I hear they’re trying to arrange a friendly against Dunfermline just to get their confidence back) and there was another football giant who had a shocker this week –Aberdeen legend Willie Miller.
Looking ahead to the Scotland game tomorrow, my BBC Radio Scotland colleague said: “Moldova are the whipping dogs of our group.” Sorry??? (If that was actually a Freudian slip, Willie, expect a chap at the door from the RSPCA…)
I reckon that was my favourite quote from a Scottish football pundit since the time former Rangers player Alex Rae described a Celtic win over Hearts in the Scottish Cup as “a gold star in
Princess Anne’s maw is a big Rangers fan
Neil Lennon’s feather”. Brilliant.
Another Aberdeen legend – Sportsound ringmaster Richard Gordon who recently celebrated 30 years in the hot seat – posted semi-nude photos of himself on Instagram. Calm down, ladies. My big pal was merely stripped to the waist to show the weight he’s lost (12.55kg) since taking up with a personal trainer.
Ah well, as midlife crises go, I guess it beats buying a Harley Davidson and a pair of leather troosers. But why would you want to slim down at 60? Typical Aberdonian, I thought. Looking to save money on a smaller coffin…
Staying with Scottish football, remember last week’s story about former SFA president Alan McRae being awarded the OBE?
It was presented at Windsor Castle by Princess Anne, whose first words to him were: “I’m so terribly sorry to hear about Walter Smith.” Lovely stuff. Well, I bumped into a reader in Dundee (hello to big John) who somehow kept a straight face when he told me: “I wasn’t the least bit surprised to read that, Tam. I think her maw’s a big Rangers fan.” Brilliant. Talking of the Queen, it was reported that in a chat with Olympic diver Tom Daley three years ago, Her Maj revealed
she had always wanted to take up gymnastics.
Sadly, though, the Buckingham Palace health & safety officer was having none of it as it’s dangerous to sit side-saddle on a pommel horse… PS. One final sports-related titbit... a kids’ tennis tournament in Kent was scrapped last week when organisers forgot to bring any balls.
If only the Celtic fans had been attending a game nearby, eh? PPS. On the back of Motherwell’s 2-0 win at Aberdeen last Saturday, I received a text from one high-profile Scottish football figure.
It read: “Big Kevin van Veen [who scored a double] is turning into the new
Michael Higdon. So don’t let him NEAR the PFA Scotland Awards.” #ifyouknowyouknow
Meanwhile, a place with Europe’s longest name – Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch – can now get the fastest broadband ... a gigabit a second.
Tell you what’s even more impressive, my old Kirkcaldy correspondent Wee Jimmy visited the legendary Welsh village a few years ago and, while eating his lunch one day, asked a member of staff: “How exactly do you pronounce this place?”
And the lassie said: “BURGER KING…” 1 World leaders flying home after an inspiring climate change conference. 2 It’s believed this so-called protester at COP26 was actually an undercover police officer working for Special Branch. 3 Say what you want about the Beatles but they knew how to defend a free-kick. 4 I suppose the idea had to come from somewhere... 5 This hotel’s air-conditioning unit has witnessed many unsavoury things… 6 My money’s on the Live Wolves.