SON UPSET OVER MY BOYFRIEND MOVING IN

Dear Coleen

I AM a divorced woman in my 30s, with a son, who’s seven, and a daughter, who’s five.

I’ve been seeing a lovely guy for about two-and-a-half years. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, given the pandemic, but we’ve stayed close and have now made the decision to move in together, which I couldn’t be happier about.

The only problem is my son, who likes my partner, but isn’t keen on us all living together at our house. I don’t know whether it’s just the change that’s upsetting him or it’s a bit of jealousy, but every time we talk about it he throws a tantrum.

Now my ex is involved and he’s saying we shouldn’t do it if it’s going to upset our son. By the way, he lives with his girlfriend who has no kids, so it’s easy for him to have an opinion.

Coleen says

I THINK the problem with your son might be down to jealousy – he sees it as his and Mummy’s house. By the way, I think it’s rubbish of your ex not to support you. He should be helping your child see how nice it could be, having your partner around.

It would be a good idea to have your partner stay over a few nights a week initially before officially moving in, so your son can get used to it gradually. And when he’s there, make sure your son’s routine stays the same and there are no major upheavals.

Once kids realise that actually it doesn’t affect them that much, they adapt. And get your partner to make a fuss of your son as well, so he sees it as a positive.

It’s tough being a parent in these situations, but you can’t live your life based on what your young children want. It will take a bit of time to get used to the new dynamic at home, so be patient. But if you do it right and do it gently, it will get easier.

I don’t think it really matters what age the kids are – mine have had to get used to my new partner being at our house a lot and the dynamic has changed.

Move forward, but keep up the reassurance and answer all his questions, so he knows he can talk to you about his worries.