EVERY TIME WE ROW HE RUNS TO HIS MOTHER

Dear Coleen

I’VE been with my partner for six years and it’s been constant drama. We argue a lot and every time things blow up, he leaves and goes to stay at his mum’s for a few days.

He always comes back, we patch things up and then it happens all over again. We have one child and it’s very disruptive for him, too.

I think what keeps us together is that we love each other and the sexual attraction is still there, but we have quite different personalities and always end up butting heads. I’m not sure how much longer I can continue like this and I’d love some advice.

Coleen says

HAVE you ever thought that one of the things that keeps you together is the drama? Maybe you’re both addicted to this tempestuous type of relationship – the breaking up and the making up. One thing’s for sure, you’ll never solve anything if your partner keeps running off every time you argue and you avoid any kind of meaningful conversation about what’s the root of these clashes, and how you can sort it out in the long term.

You’re right, this kind of relationship is exhausting and hard for everyone involved, so you have to break the cycle.

That should start with asking him to stay and talk – and that might involve just giving each other a bit of space when things get heated and then having the conversation when you’re both feeling calmer.

It sounds like the love is there, which is something to build on, but sexual chemistry isn’t enough to sustain the relationship in the long term if you can’t get on.

I’d also suggest relationship counselling, not least because it’s harder for him to walk out of.