JOBS ARE WRECKING OUR RELATIONSHIP
Dear Coleen
OVER the past few months, my boyfriend and I have argued constantly because we’re both struggling at work and it’s spilling over into our personal lives. He hates his job, but survived a recent cull of staff and is now working for someone he detests.
Meanwhile, I’m working very long hours, mostly from home, managing a team of people who complain constantly, so I’m not spending enough time with my boyfriend and he resents me for it.
I don’t know how to make the situation better because we’ve got into the habit of taking the day’s stress out on each other and blaming one another for not listening or not being available.
Please help!
Coleen says IT SOUNDS as if you both need to put much stricter boundaries around your work. I think working from home has meant many of us are working longer or irregular hours and it’s bound to have a knock-on effect when it comes to relationships with loved ones.
Having your office at home means boundaries can easily get blurred in terms of separating work and family life. So I think you both need to get some perspective and balance, so you can create more time for your relationship. When it gets to 5pm (or whenever you’re meant to clock off), switch off your work devices and don’t look at them again until 9am the next day. Trust me, the businesses will survive!
Also, if you can both acknowledge why you’re arguing – the stress of work – and can discuss it, then it becomes easier to deal with. Then you need to come up with a plan on how you can claim back that time for each other to reconnect as a couple.
It might go deeper with your boyfriend in that he needs to start looking for another job that doesn’t make him so unhappy. It might not happen overnight, but he can get the ball rolling.
I’D like to comment on the letter from the woman who says her parents don’t make an effort to see her children (Dear Coleen, February 9). They live 70 miles away, for crying out loud! However, they do visit when possible.
It sounds like they’re elderly, so can’t visit all the time. So stop moaning and appreciate that visiting when they can is better than not at all. WH, via email