SO JEALOUS PAL I LOVE HAS A NEW GIRL

I HAD an on/off relationship for a long time with a friend I’ve known since we started working together in our 20s.

He always said it was “casual” and I suppose I always knew he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him.

I really loved him and hoped we’d end up together.

To cut a long story short, he’s now in an exclusive relationship with someone. They’ve been dating for a while and it’s clear he’s in love with her.

Every time I think I’m moving on, something happens and I feel upset again. Like when I see romantic photos of them on social media, I feel insanely jealous and angry. I’m still in touch with him as a friend and he told me last week he’s going to ask his girlfriend to move in with him. It nearly killed me – I went home, drank a bottle of wine and cried all night.

Why can’t I get over this?

Coleen says

FIRST, you can’t get over it because he’s still in touch with you, treating you like a mate and telling you about his fab new girlfriend. Second, you’re torturing yourself by stalking them on social media. The truth is, you can’t be mates with him, at least not at the moment, because you’re still hurting and you still want more than friendship from him.

You need to go cold turkey, I’m afraid. Tell him directly that you can’t be friends and he needs to find another mate to talk with about his new relationship.

You also have to unfollow him on social media.

You must create space in your own life to move on and get over him. That’s impossible to do while he’s still in your life to this extent. You can get over this, but you need to give yourself a fighting chance.

Don’t sit at home, drowning your sorrows with a bottle of wine – get out there, meet new people, see your friends and enjoy your life.