Stirring ex-wife got invite to the wedding

Dear Coleen

MY partner’s ex-wife is a complete nightmare and, unfortunately, she’s still in the picture because they have children together.

She’s frequently unreasonable about him seeing the kids, who are teenagers now, and if she ever drops round to pick them up, she flirts inappropriately with him, although I think this is more to annoy me than for his benefit. I’m sure he hasn’t even noticed.

We got together after they split up, yet I seem to have been unfairly cast as the “other woman”, and I’m convinced his ex makes me out as the baddie when it comes to the kids, who barely give me the time of day.

It’s like pulling teeth trying to keep a conversation going.

My current issue is that my partner’s sister is getting married and she’s invited his ex and not me.

It’s a small family do and, to be fair, I’ve never met his sister and she may feel me being there would be awkward for his kids.

I don’t really want him to go without me but I can’t object to him going to his sister’s wedding, can I?

Coleen says

ER, no you can’t. I think you need to find some perspective here.

Your partner’s marriage ended for a reason and he’s chosen to be with you, so I think the chances of him getting it on with his difficult ex at the wedding are pretty slim.

If you make a fuss about the wedding, you’re playing into the hands of his ex, who sounds as if she likes stirring the pot. So, my advice is, don’t be unreasonable and tell him to enjoy the wedding.

He’s coming home to you, so don’t create a problem in your relationship and don’t give his ex the ammunition to badmouth you.

However, I think you probably need a bigger and ongoing conversation with your partner about your relationship with his children and what can be done to improve things.

His ex might be feeding them negative information, but he can balance it out and you have the opportunity to change how they see you.

And if his ex is lying about you and how you got together with their dad, then it’s up to your partner to call her out and remind her that lying is not a good example to set their kids.

“I seem to have been unfairly cast as the ‘other woman’