I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT FRIEND’S SECRET AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

I FIND myself in a difficult situation with my closest friend. She’s been having an affair for some time with a man who’s married with children.

She claims they’re in love but as far as I know he’s never indicated that he’s going to leave his wife for her. I feel uncomfortable hearing about this affair since I’m married with children myself.

My friend isn’t married and has no kids, so I’m not sure she realises how devastating this could be for this man’s family.

Or maybe she’s so caught up in the affair she simply doesn’t care.

My own view is that she should end the affair and look for someone else who’s single, but I don’t want to come across as judgmental or lose her friendship. Any advice?

Coleen says

I THINK it is possible to be friends with someone while not agreeing with all their choices.

I also think a good friendship should be able to withstand some home truths and constructive criticism – ie, admit that you don’t agree with what she’s doing, especially as you can put yourself in his wife’s shoes, and that you’re worried it could lead to heartbreak for everyone involved.

The problem is, if she’s in love and caught up in the thrill of this affair, she’s probably not going to listen to advice, even if she asks for it. Perhaps the best idea is to agree not to discuss it, but tell her you’ll be there for her with a shoulder to cry on if it all happens to go wrong.