Sick of hubby’s easy come easy go attitude to money

Dear Coleen

I’VE fallen out badly with my husband over money. I knew when I met him he was rubbish with finances – he’s got a careless attitude and his mentality is to live for today and worry about it tomorrow.

The thing is, we have a child now and I hate feeling insecure about money and I’m always having to be the responsible one.

Recently, I discovered he’d been dipping into our savings account without telling me, and when I looked at it recently to withdraw some money for an upcoming holiday, I found hundreds of pounds were missing.

We had a huge row, he apologised and claimed he was going to put it back and was hoping that I wouldn’t notice.

He has a job that pays OK, but he spends money without thinking and is always the one to buy rounds at the pub or splash out on something, even if he can’t really afford it.

The worst part for me is that he lied to me and I feel so betrayed. He’s in his 30s now with a family to consider.

Can we get through this and how can I make him see he needs to start being more responsible?

Coleen says

I THINK if you love each other, you can get through it, but he has to be completely transparent about his finances from now on.

I also think there should be boundaries around money and shared bank accounts – you could suggest taking control of the purse strings as a way of enforcing those boundaries.

If he doesn’t trust himself or doesn’t feel able to manage money, then he might agree to this and be happy to hand over the responsibility.

Money can be a really thorny subject for couples, but I think it is important to budget and plan, and to talk about it.

It’s very easy to put your head in the sand and ignore it because it’s difficult to discuss, but then you risk ending up in serious debt, which could have consequences for your relationship.

I wonder what’s behind his attitude to money – is he just bad at managing it because he’s never learned to do it or is there something else going on?

It sounds as if he doesn’t really want to take on the responsibilities that come with being a grown up.