WORRY I’LL LOSE MY CHILDREN TO EX’S NEW BLOKE

Dear Coleen

MY EX-WIFE is introducing our kids to her new man soon and I’m not feeling good about it.

It’s a serious relationship and I expect their next step will be moving in together, which means he’ll be living with my children and seeing them more than I do.

It kills me to think there will be another man in their lives and I’m losing sleep worrying about it.

I have an OK relationship with my ex – we’re civil to each other at least – but I don’t talk to her more than I have to.

We tend to keep conversations to childcare arrangements.

I don’t really know how to deal with this emotionally or practically.

It feels like I’m losing my children and it’s painful.

Coleen says

OF COURSE it’s painful but you will never lose your children – you’re their father and no other guy can fill that role.

What they need to see when they visit you is a wonderful, happy dad. Look, if you play it right, nothing changes and it could actually bring you even closer.

I’ve lived this situation, as I met my second hubby, Ray, when my boys were still young. And while they adored their stepdad, he never replaced their dad.

My ex was also living with his girlfriend and, yes, occasionally my boys would come home and tell me about her and it was an adjustment for me. But I guess I didn’t let it overwhelm me. I’d acknowledge what my boys said and then move on.

What you want to avoid is your kids dreading coming to see you because you’ll be asking questions about their mum’s new guy, or because they’re worried about hurting you by talking about him.

It just takes time to adjust.