Man of the week Mick is giving BoJo and Co a really scruff time
Perhaps he was getting 12 inches chopped off the end of his hooter
THIS column usually gives politics an even wider berth than I give the salad bar at Pizza Hut but I’d like to kick off today with two probing questions… Where exactly is the hedge? And who is tasked with the job of dragging him through it backwards?
I’m talking, of course, about our Prime Minister Boris Johnson – the scruffiest world leader in the history of the universe.
When I heard he was going in this week for a two-hour operation, I thought – and hoped – it meant he was finally getting a haircut. Turns out it was actually a nose job. So, was he having Nadine Dorries’ nose surgically removed from his derriere?
Or, in the wake of Partygate, perhaps he was getting 12 inches chopped off the end of his hooter?
Nah, it was just routine surgery on his sinuses.
But talking of Pinocchio-style porkies, surely the TV clip of the week was RMT secretary-general Mick Lynch on Newsnight calling a Tory minister a liar FIFTEEN times!
Why? Well, it was a relatively short interview and that’s all he could manage. The rail union boss is unquestionably my Man of the Week.
It’s been terrific watching him handing so many journalists and politicians their backsides on a plate.
And I’ll tell you what, if the trains operate as smoothly as Big Mick after this strike, our railway service will be the envy of the world.
Hands up if you’d love to see him as PM?
Failing that, Mr Lynch, any chance we could book you for Off The Ball next week?
They say football and politics shouldn’t mix but, in the 28-year history of our programme, some of
my favourite guests were MPs or MSPs… and they all had something to offer.
Off the top of my head, for example, Tommy Sheridan – right after his legendary “Real Madrid v Gretna” court case – was terrific value.
George Galloway once gave us a breathtaking six-minute monologue on why bees are essential to life as we know it.
Alex Salmond provided listeners with a tip for the horses that won at 33-1.
And then there was the time I pulled a gun on former First Minister Henry McLeish (long story).
Staying with politics, I read a report this week that US president Joe Biden fell off his bike while he’d been enjoying a ride with his wife.
Apparently his doctor said: “He shouldn’t be doing that at his age, but I recommend he keeps cycling…”
Another golden oldie who shows no sign of slowing down – Sir Paul McCartney – turned 80 this week and he vowed he’ll still be performing as an octogenarian.
I think he’ll just have to tweak some of his classic hits.
For example, I look forward to hearing Twist And Gout, When I Was 64, While My Catarrh Gently Seeps, I Get By With A Little Help From My Carer and, of course, Help…!