Miracle tot after years of agony
Nicola had 9 miscarriages before she became a mum. Here, she tells Kate Graham why she’s on a mission to raise awareness of pregnancy loss so that women don’t have to suffer in silence
WHEN Hollywood actor Sharon Stone recently revealed she had nine miscarriages before adopting her three sons, it made headlines around the world.
Discussing her loss on Instagram, the 64-year-old star said: “We, as females, don’t have the forum to discuss the profundity of this loss.”
Her words resonated with Nicola McGowan, 35, who, after suffering nine devastating miscarriages of her own, is now mum to 13-week-old son River.
“It’s amazing for Sharon Stone to be speaking out,” said Nicola. “I know how it feels to not know where to turn or who to talk to.”
Often, she says, women stay silent while dealing with the heartbreak. “This needs to change,” she added. It’s been a long and painful road to motherhood for Nicola.
“I’ve waited seven long years,” said Nicola, a child development officer who lives in Glasgow. “I still can’t believe he’s here and he’s mine.”
When Nicola walked down the aisle in January 2015, she was floating on air. Not only was she about to marry her soulmate Nik, 34, a graphic designer, she was also 10 weeks pregnant.
She said: “We were so thrilled that Nik couldn’t wait to share the news. When he announced it in his wedding speech, everyone went wild. It felt perfect.”
But their newlywed bliss was about to be shattered. On the second week of their honeymoon in Cuba, at 12 weeks pregnant, Nicola began to have bleeding and cramps.
She said: “I knew something awful was happening. I screamed. Walking into our empty home when we got back three days later, feeling totally numb, was awful.”
At first the grief pulled the couple apart. While Nicola struggled with her anger and tears, she saw Nik apparently happy and fine. After 12 weeks she angrily confronted him, only to hear the truth. His heart was also breaking.
“Nik admitted he wanted to be strong for me. Once we shared our true feelings, everything changed. We were united,” she said.
The couple continued trying for a baby and Nicola started a blog to share her story in the hope it would help other women in the same situation.
Then in November 2015, just before her 28th birthday, Nicola miscarried again. She hadn’t realised she was pregnant. “That second loss changed everything for me. Any faith I’d had vanished,” she said. Two more losses followed, in March and October 2016. Nicola said: “I felt like a total failure as a woman. I was angry at my body for letting me down and felt lost. I wanted so desperately to be a mum.” Medical tests failed to provide any answers, so Nicola scoured the latest research, discovering that one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and one in 100 women experiences recurrent loss. She said: “I realised that most of the time, women never find out why their miscarriage happened. Which only adds guilt to the pain. You feel helpless and hopeless. “The only thing I could do was write as openly about my own experience as possible. There was still such a lot of shame and secrecy around pregnancy loss. I was determined to break that down.”
When she couldn’t get pregnant in 2017, doctors said she had “unexplained infertility”, and she embarked on IVF.
Her first IVF cycle in February 2018 resulted in a failed embryo transfer, and later that year in December her twin pregnancy turned ectopic.
In 2019, Nicola launched NellyBoxes, a range of self-care boxes designed to help with the grieving process for those experiencing baby loss.
It helped channel her heartbreak into something positive. She said: “I desperately needed it, especially when I miscarried again after an embryo transfer in January 2020.
“When I lost a surprise pregnancy in April, soon after Nik’s dad died from Covid, I was on my knees.” The years had taken their toll. There was no excitement when the couple made the decision to try one final time in August 2021.
“As I walked into the fertility clinic, I was numb,” she said.
But 10 days later, Nicola was shocked to discover she was pregnant. Waiting four weeks for her first scan was torture but the sonographer uttered the words she’d been waiting to hear – we’ve got a heartbeat.
The joy was incredible. Friends and family were thrilled.
In April this year, the night before her planned caesarean at 37 weeks, Nicola was terrified. She had to have an early delivery due to placenta previa, where the placenta covers the opening of the cervix. “Even as I was wheeled into theatre, I couldn’t believe I would finally be a mum,” she said. River was born at 4lb 14oz. While babies are classed as full term at 37weeks, doctors described him as “behaving like a premature baby” and were concerned about his breathing. He was placed on Nicola’s chest for a few minutes before being whisked away to the neonatal intensive care unit. She said: “I’d waited seven years. When River was finally in my arms, I couldn’t believe the love that overwhelmed me. “Once he was home, and the three of us could cuddle up on the sofa together, it was bliss.” Visit etsy.com/uk/shop/ NellyBoxes
Nik wanted to be strong for me. Once we shared our true feelings, everything changed. We were united