Can relationship last if she can’t stand my kids?

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She often says things like ‘Do the kids have to come?’

Dear Coleen

I’M A guy in my early 40s and recently divorced, and have two young children with my ex. A few months ago, I started seeing a woman who’s 29 and I’ve been really happy for the first time in ages.

She’s fun, exciting, sexy and really caring towards me. But, and it’s a big but, she’s not good with my kids, who stay with me most weekends.

Mostly, she’s completely uninterested in them and makes no effort when we’re all together. Occasionally, she’ll be a bit snappy with them or tell me to tell them to behave. If I invite her out with us, she says things like: “Do the kids have to come?”

I don’t think she gets it, which is weird. I love my kids and they come before anyone.

I’ve definitely had a mixed reaction when it comes to people’s opinions of her. My mates generally think I have done well for myself but not so much their wives.

Also, my family, although they seem to like her, have warned me that the signs aren’t good in terms of a future with her because she hasn’t warmed to the children.

I’d love your take on it.

Coleen says

I AGREE with your parents – you have to think realistically about the long term. You can’t spend your life with someone who is so intolerant of your children.

Maybe it’s time to be upfront with her before things get serious. Make it clear the kids come first and any woman you settle down with will have to be happy with it.

Perhaps she’s had no experience with children or maybe she’s a bit immature but I tend to think that if she really cared about you, she’d be making more of an effort with them. It could be this is just one of those things that’s fun and provides a bridge to a deeper kind of relationship. Often, the first person you meet when you come out of a marriage doesn’t turn out to be “the one”, but you can still have a good time while it lasts.

There’s always a chance that if you have a discussion with her about the children and she realises it’s make or break, she might reassess and change her attitude.