STILL FEEL BAD ABOUT AFFAIR I HAD YEARS AGO

Dear Coleen

MY husband has always loved me dearly, but years ago I had an affair, which I now deeply regret and feel very ashamed about.

It was with a colleague of his who, at the time, seemed more interesting and dapper than my husband. The truth is, he seduced lots of women and it was common knowledge among his colleagues.

My husband never found out about us as far as I know, but I still struggle with the shame, guilt and feeling stupid for being used for sex by this guy, who I realised had other women on the go. Please advise.

Coleen says

WELL, these feelings you’re experiencing are often the fallout of an affair, but I wonder why you still have such intense emotions years down the line.

You haven’t been able to let go, forgive yourself and move on, and I think you need to find a way of doing that.

If your marriage is good now, then try to focus on that and on the future with your husband. We’re all human, so we can all make mistakes and do things we regret, but the important thing is to learn from these experiences and go forward.

Maybe some counselling would help with your self-esteem or perhaps admitting what happened to your husband would relieve your guilt and help you move on with a clean slate.

However, I can’t reassure you as to how your husband will react – telling him is obviously a risky move, but you might feel it’s something you have to do for your own peace of mind.

But don’t waste any more time thinking about this other guy. He won’t be spending any of his energy worrying about you.