Traitors tunes? Try Joseph & his Amazing Technicolor Turncoat
A CELTIC archaeology expert is suing his removal firm for more than £26,000 after complaining his framed Braveheart movie poster was damaged, while other belongings arrived “smelly and soggy”.
And just for clarity, folks, I should point out that a Celtic archaeology expert is someone who knows all about ancient artefacts from Ireland, Scotland and Wales…
And NOT a person who can remember the last time Peter Lawwell paid decent money for a top player at Parkhead.
My honest opinion on the ongoing battle between the Celtic board and the Celtic fans?
Apologies for sitting on the fence but I’m split 50/50 on this one.
Sure, Lawwell and Co surely deserve flak for not leaving Rangers well in their wake after the Ibrox club imploded just 12 short years ago.
But I still can’t believe Celtic supporters (who claim they’d walk a million miles for one of their goals) brought out the banners while top of the league… on the back of last year’s Treble! Spoilt brats or what?
Try following a team like Motherwell for a few seasons!
But you know what I find even more embarrassing? All that claptrap about Scotland’s match officials and their anti-Celtic bias.
Complete and utter Lillian Gish. If that was the case, how the hell did Brendan Rodgers – during his first spell as boss – manage to win a Quadruple Treble?
Surely all those corrupt referees and linesmen would have been only too delighted to trip them up along the way?
Wednesday night at Easter Road should put this guff to bed for good.
Guess what? VAR official Andrew “Son of Hugh” Dallas (No2 on the Celtic fans’ anti-Christ list after John Beaton) flagged up the late, match-winning penalty for the visitors.
Now, why would he even THINK about doing that if he was hell-bent on putting the boot into the Hoops??? It’s time to get a grip, bhoys & ghirls. By the way – with Philippe Clement breathing down his neck – how much did Brendan enjoy that late winner against Hibs? Watching his very animated celebrations at fulltime, you’d think his local supermarket had just announced a 2-for-1 offer on Colgate.
Meanwhile, hello to a Hibs diehard who never misses this column – my big Radio Scotland mucker Grant Stott.
During Covid, the River City regular and Edinburgh panto legend wrote and recorded a spoof of the Frank Sinatra classic That’s Life – it’s called That’s Fife – and, having watched it again this week on YouTube, I highly recommend you give it a bash.
It got me thinking about what other songs with a Scottish twist would have appealed to Ol’ Blue Eyes. How about It Was A Bevvy Good Year, My Kind Of Troon, Mack The Chib, I’ve Got You Under My Skinflats, Luss Be A Lady, The Shadow Of Your Piles, New Yoker, New Yoker, I’ve Got The World On A String Vest, April In Harris, My Funny Carntyne, These Boots Are Made In Mauchline, Three Coins In A Fountain (Quickly Followed By Three Aberdonians) and, of course, Come Fry With Me?
Fancy putting any of those to music, big man?
PS. Name a song that would feature in Traitors: The Musical?
I’ve never watched the programme but, when the Pavilion Theatre in Glasgow posted that wee challenge on their socials this week, I couldn’t resist. Traitor songs, you say? Okay, I’ll go with Backstabbers by The O’Jays, Spies Like Us by Paul McCartney, Stool Pigeon by Kid Creole & The Coconuts, Whispering Grass by Don Estelle and Windsor Davies, Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Turncoat, See You Later Al You Traitor, Five Guys Named Mo Johnston, Sweet Talkin’ Guy Fawkes and anything by JUDAS Priest or The Boomtown RATS? Do I win £5?
● A famous name from England has apparently become the first football personality to go to rehab for addiction to laughing gas.
I’ll hazard a guess it’s Match of the Day pundit Micah Richards… well, NOTHING is that funny.
I had a wee chuckle myself this week when I read about a married union boss who was at the heart of the recent strikes having a secret affair with a train driver.
Schoolboy humour, I know, but his name is Dicky Fisher. Brilliant.
● Get well soon, Charles. You know what, folks? In terms of raising awareness, I think the big man going public on his current health scare might be one of the greatest things a monarch has ever done for his subjects.
If the king can get cancer, so can you...
Know what‘s embarrassing? The claptrap about officials and their antiCeltic bias
GET YOURSELF CHECKED!