Next time Rod’s in town, he’ll be singing for his sausage supper
Well, that’s the last time I buy dinner for Rod Stewart…
As you may have seen I recently took him out to a swanky restaurant and, frankly, I don’t think I’ll ever see a bigger bill unless Barry Manilow has a lovechild with a pelican.
“Has Sir decided?” asked the waiter as I perused the menu.
“Well,” I said, “I’m swithering between the fillet steak… and paying my mortgage.”
Posh? Listen, I once had a onenight stand with a lady from Bearsden (when I woke up the next morning I had lobsters…) but even she wasn’t as classy as this joint.
However, in the grand scheme of things, it was money well spent.
You see, folks, fresh from wining and dining the Maggie May singer, I managed to set up a cash bet between Celtic-daft Rod and former Rangers boss Graeme Souness (his old pal) on the outcome of this year’s Scottish Premiership.
A spat had broken out in the media between the celeb Old Firm fans and, with charity being the ultimate winner, I thought I’d jump in.
Yep, a text to both chaps and it was agreed that, if Rangers win the league, the rocker will donate £10,000 to DEBRA (the terrific cause Graeme swam the English Channel for last summer) and if Celtic lift the trophy, Souness coughs up ten grand for the St Andrew’s Hospice in Airdrie (my own favourite charity which Rod is delighted to support). Brilliant! And that explains why I wasn’t too soor-faced about picking up the tab for dinner (apart from anything else, the restaurant has agreed to 60 monthly payments over five years).
But I soon changed my tune on Thursday, dear reader, when Rod popped up on Talksport and blew my “exclusive” out of the water blabbing the whole story to Jim White!
(And no prizes for guessing who Whitey wants to win the league…)
Sorry, Rod, next time I feed you in Glasgow, it’s a sausage supper fae the Blue Lagoon…
To be honest, it’s not just Rod who’s in my bad books this week – it’s ALL Celtic fans.
Come on, Bhoys, give it a rest with all the conspiracy theories.
That’s 11 league titles out of 12, a Treble last year, a Quadruple Treble a few seasons ago, one penalty awarded against you this term and only one player sent off.
In the name of the wee man! Any chance the refs could start conspiring against Motherwell?
Still, the Celtic fans are famous for telling porkies.
I’d walk a million miles for one of your goals?
Aye, nae bother. But a couple of dodgy results and it’s bedsheets for banners.
This latest grave injustice – a fair and square defeat at Tynecastle – is all John Beaton’s fault, of course.
Why? Well, ehhh… he once had a pint in The Crown Bar in Bellshill and that’s a “Rangers pub”. That’s why!!!
And hang on Celtic fans this is the same John Beaton who refereed umpteen Celtic games – along with the rest of his utterly masonic colleagues – when the Hoops won last year’s Treble AND that historic Quadruple Treble?
Steady, Tam, don’t let the facts get in the way of a right good conspiracy theory. The Rangers fans are just as bad. Has there been a single moment in the past 12 years they didn’t make out the whole world – and its dug – was out to get them?
The club’s implosion in 2012? That was Dundee United’s fault. AYE RIGHT! On the back of last week’s league defeats for the Ugly Sisters, I checked VAR and I have come to the conclusion that both Celtic and Rangers are CRAP.
(Have you ever watched Match of the Day and THEN tuned into Sportscene for “highlights” of the Old Firm? Ouch! It’s like going from Hamilton on Broadway to The Willy Wonka Experience.)
Face facts, getting pumped by Hearts and Motherwell was hee-haw to do with the referees, the SFA or the FBI.
You were both red rotten on the day and beaten by better teams.
(Incidentally, I’m guessing that Motherwell will be the next lot to get our ticket allocation cut at Ibrox…) Dry your eyes! PS. Brendan Rodgers’ SFA punishment for claiming that our match officials are incompetent? I suggest that we let John Beaton and Co have their say on BRENDAN’S incompetence!
They could publicly highlight his awful European record, the zillions he’s squandered in the transfer market and the fact his team appears to get horsed by Kilmarnock every other week.
“You know me, I don’t like talking about referees,” said Brendan (just when you thought that bugle couldn’t get any bigger).
Yeah, sure, and Vlad the Impaler didn’t like impaling people.
He did, however, like talking about VAR John Beaton – and he never made one decision the whole game!
It was all down to Don Robertson. The referee’s decision, as we all know, is final.
Did you watch Brendan’s carcrash interview?
Close your eyes and it could have been Derek Adams.
PPS. Still chuckling at Graeme Souness and Neil Lennon slagging the refs. You couldn’t make it up! Souey should just be thankful VAR wasn’t invented when he was a player – who can forget all his wee fly kicks and sleekit studs down the calfs when the ref was looking the other way?
And it was thanks to Lenny our refs went on strike a decade ago.
Kindly butt out, chaps.
Well, I said to the waitress, ‘I’m swithering between the fillet steak and paying my mortgage’