MEET THE AUTHOR TANITH CAREY Tweenage kicks
The parenting expert shares her strategies on how to cope with the challenges of having a child in their tweens
No longer little but not yet a teen, kids in the tween years are changing fast. So-called because it’s in between the two more recognised developmental stages of young children and teenagers, the tween period is when children are aged between eight and 12 and many parents could do with some help to get through it.
Parenting author and mumof-two Tanith Carey knows what it’s like dealing with the tween stage. She’s been through it with her two daughters, and she’s now written a book about it called What’s My Tween Thinking? with psychologist Dr Angharad Rudkin.
Here, Tanith outlines some of the common challenges parents face and how to deal with them...
”I’M NOT HOLDING YOUR HAND, MUM”
Your tween pulls their hand away from yours for the first time while out on a walk.
What your tween’s thinking
“I’m testing how it feels to be more independent. Now my peers are more important in my life, imagine what they’d say about holding my mum’s hand.”
What you might be thinking
You may feel sad that your child, who could once not get enough of you, is moving into a phase where they no longer seem to need you as much.
how you could respond
“Don’t take it personally,” advised Tanith. “This is about your child’s development. Pulling away is a positive sign that they trust you to keep loving them anyway.”
”I AM DOING MY HOMEWORK”
Your child is taking ages to start their homework.
What your tween’s thinking
“My lesson feels like ages ago and my mind’s gone blank. Plus, at home, there’s so much I’d prefer to do.”
What you might be thinking
After a long day, you probably want your child to get their homework over with.
how you could respond
“Getting frustrated will make them more anxious and it’ll become more difficult for them to access the logical thinking parts of their brains they need now,” said Tanith. She points out that when a task is daunting, the most difficult part is getting underway. “Suggest they try it for 5mins – the likelihood is they’ll carry on.”
”WHY CAN’T I GO ON TIKTOK WHEN ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ON IT?”
Your child is angry you won’t let them sign up to TikTok because they’re not yet 13.
What your tween’s thinking
“OK, so it’s not really all my friends but I’ll tell my parents it’s everyone to make them worry. They keep saying social media is dangerous but I’d never be so silly as to fall for weird grown-ups.”
What you might be thinking
You’re likely to be worried your tween is too naive to handle what can happen online.
how you could respond
Tanith suggested parents explain to their tween that their brain is developing and social media is super-stimulating.
“Consider letting them try one platform, like a closed group of friends on WhatsApp, for a limited time,’’ she advised.
■ What’s My Tween Thinking? Practical Child Psychology For Modern Parents by Tanith Carey and Dr Angharad Rudkin ( DK, £16.99)